Rocket Fuel

I’ve always had a sincere affinity for pain.

Sounds crazy, but it’s true.

I enjoy adversity.

Throughout my life, I’ve been in relentless pursuit of it.

For me, the experience of overcoming adversity has always been my fuel.

I’ve loved being the underdog, the afterthought, the guy they counted out.

I’ve taken great pride in proving critics wrong.

And in the midst of external opposition, I’ve fared rather well.

But in the war beneath my own skin, I once struggled mightily in my own strength.

My desire was no match for agoraphobia, OCD, anxiety, panic and addiction.

I needed help.

One day I swallowed my pride and I asked for it.

I called out in prayer…

Don’t deny me the ability to feel.

Just show me the way.

I’ll go where You lead.

I will step into the fire if that’s what is needed.

Use the flames to shape and mold me.

I’m OK with pain.

I do not desire a quick fix.

I trust You.

Strip me of everything that I ever was and make me new in the purity of Your grace.

And in the nakedness of my reborn innocence I will stand unashamed.

I will look my demons in the eye.

And I will recognize the root of my adversity and how to disarm it.

I will know God’s power.

And that will be the fuel for a tank that will never again run dry.

Rocket fuel, anyone?