I remember when I first discovered I was different.
By early adolescence, I began dealing with OCD.
I felt great shame for my condition.
I understood that my thoughts were irrational, but I could not shut them off.
The anxiety attached to my condition was relentless.
My invisible enemy was desperate for control.
And I was vulnerable.
I wasn’t ready to accept the risk associated with confronting my demons. That would require me to reveal the depth of my suffering. And I was terrified of the judgment and criticism that I would receive if my real story was ever told.
So for 15 years I hid.
I focused on what was visible.
I stayed in good shape.
I graduated at the top of my class.
I made money.
I drove new cars.
But underneath my façade the war raged on.
A gambling addiction.
A mound of debt.
2 broken engagements.
My life was a mess.
But I could not risk my reputation for the sake of healing.
Then I was reborn in Christ and the value of my soul was made clear.
The idea of risk and vulnerability was flipped upside down.
I realized that I was ONLY at risk when I wasn’t being my authentic self. Everything else was an illusion. An illusion I complied with for 15+ years of my life.
What illusions of “risk” are holding you captive today?