Risky Business

I remember when I first discovered I was different.

By early adolescence, I began dealing with OCD.

I felt great shame for my condition.

I understood that my thoughts were irrational, but I could not shut them off.

The anxiety attached to my condition was relentless.

My invisible enemy was desperate for control.

And I was vulnerable.

I wasn’t ready to accept the risk associated with confronting my demons. That would require me to reveal the depth of my suffering. And I was terrified of the judgment and criticism that I would receive if my real story was ever told.

So for 15 years I hid.

I focused on what was visible.

I stayed in good shape.

I graduated at the top of my class.

I made money.

I drove new cars.

But underneath my façade the war raged on.

A gambling addiction.

A mound of debt.

2 broken engagements.

Panic.

Agoraphobia.

My life was a mess.

But I could not risk my reputation for the sake of healing.

Then I was reborn in Christ and the value of my soul was made clear.

The idea of risk and vulnerability was flipped upside down.

I realized that I was ONLY at risk when I wasn’t being my authentic self. Everything else was an illusion. An illusion I complied with for 15+ years of my life.

What illusions of “risk” are holding you captive today?